📍 writing from Boulder, CO

Almost two months since arriving to Boulder: a newfound stillness, structure to my day, a consistent place to sleep. A few months ago a friend and I caught up. He lovingly advised I slow down in life, for my own good and health. I think I finally have.

I’ve started meeting friends. Meetups, uber drivers, parties, film festivals. It’s become easier to talk with people. The friends I met in New York got to me where I am. Nancy and Alex helped shape who they met into who I am. Who will I meet here?

Part of me relishes in the disappearence behind headphones and locked doors in a city where I’m a stranger. Getting lost gardening, writing, hiking, hammocking, doodling, and reading. Gently exploring inwards rather than trying to stay abreast of everything outside and external.

Solitutde creates space to say farewell to the shared reality we created and experienced every day. Memories of things I wish I said, those I wish I knew how to express. The ever-present joy, peace, and happiness she taught me to feel and embody. Ever grateful for every second of our beautiful story together.

a space to call my own #

I’ve never had a space dedicated entirely to me, both legally and creatively. I can decorate, arrange, and use it in precisely the form I desire. When I make a mess, the only one affected by it, is me. This unfortunately does delay the cleanup process sometimes.

Originally I was looking at furnishing-as-a-service options but Nancy convinced me to actually buy things and offered much-appreciated guidance. Hours of figma mapping turned into hours of furniture assembly, and then eventually into my very own creative studio-office-pod.

My apartment is a nest: a place from which to conduct expeditions out into the world. Sometimes to Denver. Or to the top of a mountain ridge. Or to a coffee shop. The return trip always concludes at a safe space I call my own.

I went to nyc for 5 nights #

An expedition beckoned: Mary was getting married! We met the week I showed up to New York and she’s been an angelic presence in my life since. I was honored to celebrate with her and Justin. She loved the wedding and I had a blast re-connecting with friends and planning new shenanigans.

Mary, Justin, Johnny

Being back in the city was a constantly-overstimulating, nostalgic rush of contradictory emotions and memories. I’ve been away as long as I spent there (half my “adult” life), and being back is a chance to re-visit places and stories from what seems so long ago.

NYC is a (arguably, the) nexus for serendipitous social connection potential. Except for private cars and recluses, everybody else is packed into a subway, on foot, or biking. Everyone is constantly negotiating for social or physical space and bumping into people in the process. Sometimes in that chaos, magic happens.

Though it was amazing to visit, I can’t see myself living there right now. There’s too much energy; too many distractions, too much adventure-potential. Returning to Boulder I took a long nap, ate ice cream, and hiked up a mountain with my hammock. This city’s pace (105,000 residents vs New York’s 8,000,000) seems closer to the one I need right now.

patch notes: 20 posts in #

Pretty proud of myself. My goal is 100, but I’m in no rush. I’m enjoying each post being a snapshot of what’s going on in my head at that time. Ideally the cadence is monthly, but life doesn’t always proceed at a monthly cadence. I’m going to keep writing these, but I’m playing with the idea of a quieter, more experimental version.

other stuff #

• I wrote about making friends on the internet and my first two weeks in Boulder
• Exquisite Land Canvas 2 development is warming up
• Azlen and I are getting ready to release emojibot.io to the word (a plugin for Discord!)
• reading Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, On Writing by Stephen King
• listening to The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin
• watching Rick and Morty, Star Trek: Discovery, Love Death + Robots